I’m a Scientist who tried to become a Celebrity and wants to do more magic.

If you attended the New Rules Studio session I attended today, the title of this post makes perfect sense to you. For everyone else, let me explain. Michael Roderick co-led the session and introduced us to the idea that we are all “triple threats”: Scientist, Celebrity, and Magician, but in different proportions and orders. We also got to spend some time on a short writing prompt related to these three elements, and I had a realization: I’m primarily a Scientist. Scientists love research, analysis, and digging into details, so on the surface, this is not a shocking revelation. I work in advanced analytics, did quantitative research for my PhD, and have a form or spreadsheet-based solution for pretty much anything. But for me, the realization was that I’ve always primarily been a Scientist, but for a long time I felt like I shouldn’t be a Scientist and I should be more of a Celebrity.

The Celebrity is focused on relationships, connections, and performing; a classic extrovert, if you will. I often joke that I’m an introvert who plays an extrovert on TV, because there’s a pretty substantial chunk of my life where I tried to focus on all of those things. I was involved in tons of organizations, making friends with all different people, taking on leadership roles, doing public speaking, and quite literally performing sometimes. I was a shy bookworm as a kid who was perfectly content to spend all my time alone, but it became clear to me that was not okay. I was called out for being anti-social at gatherings and felt socially awkward, and although I don’t think it was meant to be shaming or harmful, the implicit message was that my default tendencies were not right. Add on the joy of adolescent self-consciousness and not wanting to be singled out for being “the smart kid” at that time, and I had the perfect potion to squash my inner Scientist. I did what I thought I “should” do, and I gained a lot from those experiences, particularly self-confidence. I can’t regret those choices, because they helped get me to where I am today, and I do think there are ways I’m better off for it. But I also have to wonder what I might have lost.

I haven’t mentioned the third persona component yet. The Magician loves innovation, novelty, and thinking differently. I recognize sprinkles of Magician in me throughout my life, but I also see opportunities to let a little more magic and unique thinking into my life. I think making time and space for creativity is an important part of that. I work with a team of data scientists and engineers in multiple countries and time zones, so we don’t get a lot of time to get to know each other outside of our work. Today, we had a team re-connect meeting and had everyone share an image highlighting a favorite hobby not related to work. In a (virtual) room full of highly skilled tech people, we also had many creative talents, including drawing, dancing, singing, photography, and crochet. I was inspired, and it was a great reminder that personal passions and hobbies can fuel us in different ways that are good for us professionally too. So I hope continuing to lean in to creativity helps unlock a little more Magician in my life to complement my inner Scientist. I acknowledge and appreciate the Celebrity that remains too, but I also think it’s perfectly fine for her to take a backseat for awhile.

The moral of the story: don’t feel like you need to fit into a specific box. None of us will, and that is part of the magic.